P.S. I can't hear my feet
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I know her cup size but not her name....
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize