Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize