You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
