the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
