so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I need a burrito and a hug.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
