I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
