So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
