It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
