i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
