So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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