You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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