just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
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