i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
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