So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
