i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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