i wish my penis had a tongue
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
My penis needs a shock collar
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
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