Buhtt sex?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
