I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
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