During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Randomize
