tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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