Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
