it's too hot outside to masturbate.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize