You're completely useless in the revolution.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
