I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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