Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
