I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize