If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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