I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
