I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize