Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
