He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
