My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
