he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
