He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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