Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
