think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
