Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Randomize
