I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
