12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
