if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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