Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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