You can't motorboat a personality
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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