He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
