i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
