11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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