oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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