Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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