I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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