summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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