After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize