what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
