do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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