i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
