She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
