I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
