I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
