every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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