She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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