The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
