his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
