I wannas sexs uuuuu
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
