so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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