remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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