At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
