Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
