so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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