we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
where are you?
Hypothermia
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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