im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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