i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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