Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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