I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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