Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
