i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize