i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
