You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
