you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
