Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
