mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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