I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
is wine microwaveable?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
My dick has a subreddit
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
