ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Did I show you my penis last night?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
