I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
