You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
