i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
