If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
