he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize