shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
