Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
