There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
